Melhores Roteiros de todos os Tempos I: Annie Hall

Aula de roteiro. Uma das maiores aberturas e finais da História do Cinema


written by
Woody Allen
Marshall Brickman


(Sound and Woody Allen monologue begin)


White credits dissolve in and out on black screen. No sound.

FADE OUT: credits


Abrupt medium close-up of Alvy Singer doing a comedy monologue. He
wearing a crumbled sports jacket and tieless shirt; the background is stark.

There's an old joke. Uh, two elderly
women are at a Catskills mountain
resort, and one of 'em says: "Boy, the
food at this place is really terrible."
The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and
such ... small portions." Well, that's
essentially how I feel about life. Full
of loneliness and misery and suffering
and unhappiness, and it's all over much
too quickly. The-the other important
joke for me is one that's, uh, usually
attributed to Groucho Marx, but I think
it appears originally in Freud's wit and
its relation to the unconscious. And it
goes like this-I'm paraphrasing: Uh ...
"I would never wanna belong to any club
that would have someone like me for a
member." That's the key joke of my adult
life in terms of my relationships with
women. Tsch, you know, lately the
strangest things have been going
through my mind, 'cause I turned forty,
tsch, and I guess I'm going through a
life crisis or something, I don't know.
I, uh ... and I'm not worried about aging.
I'm not one o' those characters, you know.
Although I'm balding slightly on top, that's
about the worst you can say about me. I,
uh, I think I'm gonna get better as I get
older, you know? I think I'm gonna be the-
the balding virile type, you know, as
opposed to say the, uh, distinguished
gray, for instance, you know? 'Less I'm
neither o' those two. Unless I'm one o'
those guys with saliva dribbling out of
his mouth who wanders into a cafeteria
with a shopping bag screaming about
Annie and I broke up and I-I still can't
get my mind around that. You know, I-I
keep sifting the pieces of the relationship
through my mind and-and examining my life
and tryin' to figure out where did the
screw-up come, you know, and a year ago we
were... tsch, in love. You know, and-and-and
... And it's funny, I'm not-I'm not a
morose type. I'm not a depressive character.
I-I-I, uh,
you know, I was a reasonably happy kid,
I guess. I was brought up in Brooklyn
during World War II.


Alvy and Annie shake hands and kiss each other friendly like. Annie crosses
the street, Alvy watching her go. Then he turns, and slowly walks down the
street off screen. His voice is heard over the scene:

After that it got pretty late. And we
both hadda go, but it was great seeing
Annie again, right? I realized what a
terrific person she was and-and how much
fun it was just knowing her and I-I
thought of that old joke, you know, this-
this-this guy goes to a psychiatrist and
says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy. He
thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the
doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn
him in?" And the guy says, "I would, but
I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's
pretty much how how I feet about
relationships. You know, they're totally
irrational and crazy and absurd and ...
but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it
because, uh, most of us need the eggs.


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